Thursday, 20 September 2018

I will not say it, tran-I-am

I am woman
you are man
we cannot change that, tran-I-am

you'd make me say that we're the same
I do not want to play that game

but what if I can wear a skirt?
and tell you that my feelings hurt?

what if my long hair I curl

can't you see I'm now a girl?

what if I begin to knit?
you'll agree that makes me it

what if I put on a bra?

say that changes who we are

a woman cannot be a man
it cannot happen tran-I-am

what if my identity
tells me you're the same as me?

what if all my friends agree,
will you say that you're like me?

what if I am really funny?
what if I withhold your money?

I will not say it tran-I-am 
I will not say you're not a man

what if I am in your space?
would you say it to my face?

what if all the legal courts
say I can be in your sports?

what if laws are made for me
stopping you from stopping me?

what if a panel all agreed 
gave me the paper I said I need?

I do not like to make a fuss
but you do not belong with us
and when my sisters tell you no
the thing for you to do is go

what if doctors all agree
I hate my body, can't you see?

what if I cut off my willy?

I'm a woman then, you silly

what if men all over earth
tell me I was mixed at birth?

what I am is not like you
you say you're me
but that's not true
you say that we are both the same 
we're clearly not and that is plain

what if truth becomes a crime?
would you say it, given time?

what if I hit you in the head?
what if I claim you want me dead?

would you say it for a judge? 
why oh why will you not budge?

would you say it if I danced? 
would you say it in a trance?
would you say it pretty please?
will you say it on your knees?
would you say it to a fox?
would you say it if I doxx?
would you say it if I'm pretty? 
would you if I called you shitty?
what if I call you a name,
will you say we are the same?
would you say it if I hid?
would you say it to a kid?
would you say it if I'm backed?
would you say it when you're sacked?
would you say it to a mayor?
would you say it anywhere?
I'm not like the others,see
will you say it just for me?

say it!
say it!
say it please!
just repeat it after me

not if you dance
not in a trance
not if you plead
not if I bleed
not to a fox
not if you doxx
not if you're backed
not if I'm sacked
not for your please
not on my knees
not to a judge
I will not budge
I would not say it if you hid
I'll never say it to a kid
I would not say it to a mayor
I will not say it anywhere!

I will not say you're not a man
I will not say it, tran-I-am!

say it! 
say it!
make it true
say that I am just like you

I do not want to tell a lie 
and say that you're the same as I
there's nothing that a man can do
to make him me when he is you
I will not say it just for you
I will not say what isn't true
I will not say it from a jail

I will always know you're male


(dedicated to a very Angry Kitten)

Wednesday, 14 March 2018


Speak out, speak up, speak louder
Our numbers multiply
As women we assert our selves
They shan't reclassify
We congregate and raise our voice
Our sex is not a lifestyle choice
In newfound sisterhood rejoice
We unify

Speak out, speak up, speak louder
Our volume magnify
With candour and integrity
and courage we reply
We tear down this hypocrisy
We finish this andocracy
We build a new democracy
Our battle cry

Speak out, speak up, speak louder
Our voices amplify
And let the truth be heard
above the rowdy hue and cry
We will not let a falsehood stand
We will not cede to their demand
This will not go the way they planned
We won't comply


Friday, 9 March 2018

Menstruator, and other words that rhyme with 'hate her'

if you wish to be inclusive
please amend your language usage
'woman' has now been disabled
this is how you shall be labelled:

ovulator, menstruator, gestator, incubator
procreator, lactator, child-curator, care-taker
homemaker, meal-maker, vacuum-cleaner-operator
titillator, conciliator, erotic-roleplay-stimulator

if a woman should resist
any title from this list
please ensure her full compliance
here is how to squash defiance:

moderate, invalidate, ensure that you re-educate her
irritate her, frustrate her, make sure you exasperate her
do berate her, denigrate her, obviously you castigate her
deprecate her, do deflate her, tell her you depreciate her

dominate, humiliate, and certainly manipulate her
subjugate, domesticate, and if you can, you abnegate her
penetrate her, impregnate her, all her life administrate her
regulate, incarcerate, and you shall incapacitate her

violate her, desecrate her, let your actions devastate her
decorate her, mutilate her, crush her and debilitate her
obviate, excoriate, and with your words eviscerate her
decimate, intimidate, until you can subordinate her

designate her, emulate her, mimic her and obfuscate her
appropriate, adulterate, mock and then impersonate her
exterminate, obliterate, and finally annihilate her
disintegrate, evaporate, replace and then eradicate her

just negate her
just negate her
just negate her

hate her


Wednesday, 28 February 2018

My Fair TransLady: alternative lyrics

All I want is a womb somewhere
Far away from the cold night air
And a uterus to spare
Oh, wouldn't it be luvverly?

Lots of ovaries would be a treat
Lots of tubes making things so sweet
Taken from a woman like she was meat
Oh, wouldn't it be luvverly?

Oh, so, luvverly sittin abso-bloomin-lutely still
I would never budge till I
Have ovulatory skill

Someone's head restin' on my knee
She won't need it as much as me
I chopped it off, you see

Oh, wouldn't it be luvverly

Tuesday, 6 February 2018

Votes For Women

one hundred years ago today, some women got the vote,
provoking chaps to double down their efforts to demote
the females of the human race,
the ones who didn't know their place,
the fairer sex want 'fair'? "Disgrace!
We need an antidote"

men racked their brains for years and years as women claimed our rights,
as women found our voices, and our common cause unites
a century of progress passes
when lo, from midst the penised classes
comes forth some sexist silly asses,
dressed in heels and tights

haha! we have a cunning plan to thwart the fairer sex
we'll claim that we have ladybrains; our gender is complex
and since we are now the most oppressed
as you can see, from how we're dressed
the women will find their voice suppressed
and their rights we shall annex!

and though this sounds preposterous, with lots of male assistance
men henceforth were 'women', based on purely their insistence
and women's rights were shared between us
tho', not to the females, who, in extremis
found that they lacked the requisite penis
and faded to non-existence

so heed my words, my daughter, to this cautionary tale
never think you've won the war, for men will still prevail
the moment that you find your voice
the blokes will resent you for your choice
they'll stomp you down and then rejoice
because you are not male


Wednesday, 20 December 2017

and we grow

o, misogyny is just frightful
but you know what's so delightful?
that women are saying 'no.'
and we grow, and we grow, and we grow

we're showing no signs of stoppin'
'cause the penny's really droppin'
we're shaking off every blow
and we grow, and we grow, and we grow

when we finally put this right
how you'll hate that the truth is the norm
but as women take up this fight
sisterhood's keeping us warm

and despite how hard you're tryin'
your dogma's slowly dyin
and since we've no place to go
well, we grow, and we grow, and we grow

Wednesday, 4 October 2017

careful what you wish for

we listened when you told us
that this word was yours to claim
that penis could be female
and we now should share our name
but we all felt that you deserved
the spirit and the letter
of this, the word you want to share
could we do even better?
so we had a little meeting
and there we all decided
that since you like the word so much
its meaning we've elided
we're giving you this little gift
the word that was our own
the label that you most desired
it's yours and yours alone!
make of this gift what you will
the word belongs to you
define it any way you like
as long as it is true
we'll start again with a new word
that won't tread on your toes
we'll make one up that works for us
it won't be what you chose
so you can all be women
and we'll be something new
that speaks to our reality
like woman speaks to you
what's that you say? you need to know
the word that is our choice?
I'd really love to tell you but
I've gone and lost my voice
we hope you're truly happy
with this leveling of the score
wait - are you fecking kidding us?
-you don't want it any more.