Wednesday 28 February 2018

My Fair TransLady: alternative lyrics


All I want is a womb somewhere
Far away from the cold night air
And a uterus to spare
Oh, wouldn't it be luvverly?

Lots of ovaries would be a treat
Lots of tubes making things so sweet
Taken from a woman like she was meat
Oh, wouldn't it be luvverly?

Oh, so, luvverly sittin abso-bloomin-lutely still
I would never budge till I
Have ovulatory skill

Someone's head restin' on my knee
She won't need it as much as me
I chopped it off, you see

Oh, wouldn't it be luvverly



Tuesday 6 February 2018

Votes For Women



one hundred years ago today, some women got the vote,
provoking chaps to double down their efforts to demote
the females of the human race,
the ones who didn't know their place,
the fairer sex want 'fair'? "Disgrace!
We need an antidote"

men racked their brains for years and years as women claimed our rights,
as women found our voices, and our common cause unites
a century of progress passes
when lo, from midst the penised classes
comes forth some sexist silly asses,
dressed in heels and tights

haha! we have a cunning plan to thwart the fairer sex
we'll claim that we have ladybrains; our gender is complex
and since we are now the most oppressed
as you can see, from how we're dressed
the women will find their voice suppressed
and their rights we shall annex!

and though this sounds preposterous, with lots of male assistance
men henceforth were 'women', based on purely their insistence
and women's rights were shared between us
tho', not to the females, who, in extremis
found that they lacked the requisite penis
and faded to non-existence

so heed my words, my daughter, to this cautionary tale
never think you've won the war, for men will still prevail
the moment that you find your voice
the blokes will resent you for your choice
they'll stomp you down and then rejoice
because you are not male

~Irischild